I love the new year period. I love the symbolism of a new beginning. A fresh start. I love to use it as a period of reflection on the year gone by. To take stock of the things we've done and have yet to do. To refresh my goals and ambitions. To ponder on the challenges ahead and how to negotiate them.
This year is a big one for our family. My husband and I are both starting in very new jobs. Bear will be cared for outside our home for the first time. We're expecting a new baby boy in April.
I am so excited about all of these things and the new challenges they will bring. I feel amazingly blessed and cared for by God. I can't help but feel that he's intricately working out these things for us in the way that he has planned. I trust him completely.
But I must admit I have had a nervous feeling in the background of my mind. I have felt that this is the calm before the storm. Change is often difficult and all three of us (soon to be four of us!!) have huge changes coming all at the same time. I have been using the last few weeks in our familiar routine to prepare as much as possible. To get organised and tidy up loose ends. My New Year's Resolution is simply discipline. I want 2015 to be characterised by discipline in all areas of my life. The first 8 days of 2015 were looking great. I was feeling capable, confident and excited.
Then I was thrown off balance.
It looks like I have gestational diabetes. I have no risk factors. No family history. My pregnancy with Bear was completely normal. This has come out of no where. This was not part of the plan at all. It is completely out of my control.
This tiny bit of news - intellectually I know it's not necessarily a big deal - has completely overwhelmed my coping mechanisms. It's made me realise that I was only just getting by with the mental "to do list" I already had. I suddenly feel like everything is too much. I have no energy left. My motivation is gone. The heat is oppressive. I need to pee all the time. Think of all the appointments! How on earth will I live without donuts?! I don't have enough discipline for this!!
"Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5-6
I don't understand God's will and plans. But I wonder if he's thrown diabetes my way to remind me to lean on him. To do lists often trick me into thinking I can control more than I really can. Gestational diabetes is not a disaster and it is not outside God's sovereign plan for our 2015. I think our path might have changed direction somewhat but I am determined to submit to God wherever it leads.
After the midwife gave me the news about the diabetes I was reminded what a joy it is to be pregnant. When she felt my tummy we were both surprised to find that the baby was lying transverse! What a cheeky boy! It's like he was making a little baby joke to cheer me up. Whatever sacrifices and physical discomfort I might be put through it is worth it for the privilege of bringing a new unique little person into the world. Praise God for his good gifts.
My name is Vicky I am wife to Ranger and mum to two boys - Bear (2) and Fox (8 months). Somehow I stumbled across Montessori and now my goal is to raise and educate my children with a Montessori philosophy in country NSW Australia.