Myriam A good question, A question posed by Myriam a while ago in response to my mention of the naughty chair in this post. I have spent quite some time chewing it over and wondering how best to answer. The more I ruminate the more I realise I can't answer breifly. It's a complicated subject. I will try to give a worthy answer. I'll also try to be concise! We have found discipline one of the most challenging parts of parenting. It has been a difficult experience to see the object of my love and affection, a little person I can't help but consider perfect in every way, choose to disobey. At times I see characteristics in him that are so unattractive - selfishness, laziness, greed, cruelty. I know these same characteristics exist in me. It is upsetting. It's sad and disappointing. I want to correct his character and fix him and make him sweet and kind and loving all the time. (I want that for myself too!) We are Christians. Our approach to discipline is primarily shaped `by our understanding of God's instructions to parents in the bible and not by Montessori. We don't believe that any method of discipline or training of a child can repair their imperfect character. Only God can do that through Jesus Christ. Thus our methods of discipline have followed our biblical framework. We have used all sorts of resources to come up with ideas. We watch families with obedient children and ask for advice. I have read lots of books. I have read lots of websites and blogs. We try out ideas that have been tested, seem wise, make sense and fit our framework. Some succeed and we keep using them. Some fail. We still struggle and constantly re-evaluate our methods. The basic principles of our biblical framework are: - human beings are not capable of perfect behaviour - God's standard of perfection is uncompromising, ours should be too - disobedience and rebellion need to have real consequences - forgiveness is free through Jesus - mercy and grace are unlimited - love is unconditional On a practical level we try to: - give lots of meaningful work, independence and choice - reinforce positive behaviour sincerely and straight away - freely express love, affection and approval verbally and physically - have developmentally appropriate expectations of behaviour - have consistent expectations of behaviour - give reasons for our expectations and rules - give enough time for him to understand and obey - look for a cause for disobedience and fix it (e.g. hunger, full bladder, tiredness, sickness, boredom, lack of attention) - administer punishments/consequences calmly and gently The naughty chair is one of many tools we use. Unfortunately Bear has inherited an unusual obstinance from his parents which at times requires particularly firm approaches. Very often he chooses to disobey clear and reasonable instructions and accept a punishment. When he is wilfully disobedient he spends 2 minutes on the naughty chair. We ask for an apology and a hug. Then all is forgiven. This process usually happens once per day. Sometimes more. Sometimes less. Occasionally we give one smack on the hand or leg if disobedience is repeated or particularly offensive. Occasionally we put him in his bedroom for longer than 2 minutes to cool down if things get very heated. This isn't supposed to be a punishment but it gives him a chance to reset and keeps everyone safe during his anger! There's usually a cause (like hunger, tiredness or sickness) when this happens. I am not an expert!! I have been a parent for almost 3 years. I have been responsible for the discipline of 1 child. I have been a disobedient child myself. It is an intimidating task to mould another persons character. Especially since I am fully aware of the imperfection of my own character. I try not to do them harm. I will ask my children to forgive me for the mistakes I make and the harm I will inevitably do. Praise God that we don't do it alone! "I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me." Galatians 2:20
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I'm writing this post as I sit in my empty house pining for my three most precious people. I always underestimate how much it will hurt when we're apart. I can't stop picturing them driving 100km per hour away from me. They've only just left. I miss them already!! Ranger has taken the boys to Sydney to visit his family. I need to stay here in Dubbo to work. It's always bittersweet having an empty house. I miss them. But it's also nice to have a little rest from parenting toddlers. For instance it's nice to be back blogging for a change! Driving for 6 hours with little children is hard. I always feel anxious preparing for a trip. We try to make the drive fun and fill it with lots of special things. We sing songs and tell jokes and stories. We chat about the things we can see and the things we're looking forward to. There is a lot of time to fill and it can be a challenge to keep things positive. I find being prepared helps. I take some time a week or so before a long drive to think about the boys' favourite things and pack them away. I thought I'd share the things I packed for their drive. I've crammed as much love into this box as possible to send along with them! For Bear at 2 years and 10 months His two favourite train books. Bear is still obsessed with trains. Colouring trains with textas and highlighters (Bear's favourite subject matter and favourite medium). Bear also enjoys opening and closing this type of systema box because he can do it by himself. A cutting activity in another little box. Chopping velcro food. Some Duplo sets to build. Each set in a box that fits on Bear's lap with enough room to build and pack up. Yes - one of them is a train. For Fox at 13 months Some favourite books that are easy for him to read by himself. A box with a lid that opens and closes in a frustration free way. Some plastic food to take out and put in (and most likely through on the floor). An assortment of little things to fiddle with. Handed to him one by one. Wheels that turn. Doors that open and close. Lids go on and off or open and shut. Dominos go in and out. Some little animals to hold and talk to. For both of them Buttons, flashing lights and music. Some passive entertainment can buy another half hour of peace when everyone's exhausted. We also use a DVD player as a last resort. These measures can help us reach the next McDonalds without a melt down. Their special comforters for quiet time and hopefully peaceful sleep.
"Each second we live is a new and unique moment of our universe, a moment that never was before and never will be again. And what do we teach our children in school? We teach them that two and two make four and that Paris is the capital of France. We should say to them: Do you know what you are: You are a marvel. You are unique. In all the world there is no other child exactly like you. And look at your body - what a wonder it is! Your legs, your arms, your cunning fingers, the way you move! You may become a Shakespeare, a Michelangelo, a Beethoven. You have the capacity for anything. Yes, you are a marvel." Our house continues to evolve. As a family of four we were having trouble squeezing friends around our dinner table in the corner where it was. We had a bigger area at the back of the playroom which wasn't really right for anything else. I had tried making a play space for Fox there but it hadn't worked out. The problem was that it was too close to the playroom to keep Fox and Bear separate. It is also a dark and ugly area at child height. I think that was part of the reason the boys didn't seem to like being there. They would ignore the toys on the shelves there. I moved the dinner table into the dark ugly space (which is less ugly at adult height) which has opened up a new area for the boys to play. The space is a 2mx3m thoroughfare next to our kitchen. Fortunately little children don't need much space. There is enough room for a little shelf, a little table, a little chair and some space to play on the floor. The glass sliding doors look out to the yard, with sheep at the fence and the hills beyond. At toddler height this is the best window in the house to watch the freight trains come past. Izzy's (the dog) bed is just at the door - she can lift up her head lazily to peek in and see what Bear is eating for lunch. It's a space both Bear and Fox can use. I have a few things on the shelves for each of them and it has become very popular! I think they are attracted here because everything is on their scale. It fits them just right. They can look out the windows. They can reach their things. They can sit quietly without being in the way. Bear can even open the door himself to go outside. They can find what they are looking for and concentrate without being distracted. The proximity to the kitchen is an advantage as well so that I can do my work while they do theirs. It has become helpful having a second area to play so that I can separate the boys. I don't have a toddler area and an infant area - almost all their things are safe to be shared so they both come and go as they like. But there are so many times when they get in each other's way and frustrate each. All I need to do is pick Fox up and put him at the opposite end of the house to Bear and he happily finds something else to do. Then they can both concentrate where they can't see or hear each other. A new spot for Bear's "naughty chair" has opened up as well. He can't reach anything from the chair and he can see (and be seen from) almost every part of the house. Perfect. It's a constant challenge making our house meet all of our very different and constantly changing needs. But it's so satisfying to solve a problem in a way that makes home a more peaceful, more comfortable and more fun place to be!
The last time I wrote about toilet learning was a while ago. This process has been very gradual. Bear has inched along at snail's pace. It doesn't feel like we're moving until we look back to where we've come from. At the moment Bear is able to keep his undies dry except in exceptional circumstances. He usually needs help getting undies off and on. I think this is more of a confidence issue than a competence issue. There are times when I am not able to help him for some reason and he manages without me. I have not been able to coax him to practice despite my best efforts - I think I need to get better at stalling! Bear is still usually using a potty but he is starting to choose the toilet with a toddler seat at times. He will usually cooperate when I ask him to do a wee before getting into the car and he is incredibly reliable when we're out. This is a summary of Bear's toilet learning milestones to date:
Toilet learning is a complicated process! There are still more milestones yet to be reached:
I was planning to wait until the weather cooled down before doing hard physical work in the garden. It turned out I was too excited to wait! Although it is technically autumn the temperature has stubbornly risen to 35 degrees everyday for over 3 weeks now. It is stifling. I am impatient for a cool change. Every morning I open up weatherzone hoping for a prophesy of rain or a day below 30 degrees. Nothing. Just hot blue skies ahead. However the delivery of an enormous load of mulch has given us all renewed energy! It is helping us imagine the cooler months to come and to dream of planting and watching things grow. Despite the heat working outside with my favourite people is refreshing. It is my favourite thing to do at the end of a frustrating day. It is amazing the way physical exhaustion seems to cure emotional exhaustion. Bear loves being a part of his family's work. . He has had a lot of practice with his wheelbarrow and his shovel. He's an enthusiastic and effective worker. He is tireless! He chatters the whole time about: "All working sooo much hard!!", "pushing heavy wheelbarrow - need two hands!!", "lifting big scoop!!". We work in the mornings too. There is plenty for us to do. We're starting by filling all the holes, lining paths, covering up the dust and smothering the weeds. We have not managed to keep the grass alive. We're working on some more climate compatible alternatives! Fox is able to join us now that there is somewhere soft and clean for him to play. One of my goals for the yard has been to have an area for a baby to crawl safely and comfortably. I want the youngest member of our family to feel at home. I want Fox to feel that the yard belongs to him as well.
"The foundations for literacy are love and encouragement. The basement is constructed from the joy of being read to, knowledge of the world, a language-rich environment, development of the senses and control of the body. The ground floor rooms are made from an awareness of the sounds in language. The upper floor is created from the ability to attach symbols to sounds and the attic is made from the skill of using those symbols to express your own thoughts. The roof is reading and writing. In such a house a child's mind can reside for a rewarding lifetime and no hurricane can blow it down." Montessori Read & Write. Lynne Lawrence. I would like to help Bear learn to read just as soon as he is able. I am excited about the world that reading can open up for him. I believe - as Montessori describes - that he will be able to learn this skill effortlessly and joyfully at this age - two and a half. However I am realising more and more that Montessori doesn't mean that he will learn automatically. He needs to be given the right environment and the right materials at the right time to allow the magic to happen. That means I need to train myself, and do it quickly! What an enormous and intimidating task. I am learning a tremendous amount from the book "Montessori Read & Write" by Lynne Lawrence. It is written for parents to be used at home. So far I'm up to page 65... I have begun with some self-reflection If I want Bear to love reading it will help if I show him that I love reading too. Do I love reading? I have never been a reader. Reading for pleasure has not been something I have ever made time for. I study from text books. I read the bible. I read books to learn about Montessori, gardening, etc. I don't think that really counts! So I've started picking up a book instead of watching TV when I'm having a break. We've started reading a lot everyday Bear and I were reading sporadically. I've made a time for reading part of our routine now. We read for at least half an hour before getting ready for bed. I choose some books and Bear chooses some books. Sometimes Bear wants us to sit separately. More and more he is choosing to sit next to me and to let me read to him. He is showing interest in a growing range of books and paying attention for longer. Fox crawls around on the floor and looks at his little board books or Ranger takes him away to play somewhere else. We read together at other times if we feel like it and Bear will often choose to read on his own. * I don't read books with Bear in bed for a couple of reasons. He is too tired to concentrate once he's in bed. I'm not as comfortable on his bed as I am sitting on the couch. Finally the "just one more, mum" discussion is too much for me at the end of the day - I do what I can to avoid it! We're investing in a children's library I have found many wonderful books second hand at op shops and online. They are always worth a look. Special books I buy new online. We also visit the library often and bring a selection home. Montessori Read & Write has lots of great advice about choosing books for children of different ages. The things that I'm looking for at the moment for Bear (2.5 years): - beautiful and interesting illustrations - short stories with a simple plot - a small amount of text per page - rhymes, poems and songs - content that is real - especially based around the world he has experienced Bear's favourite books along with a selection that is frequently rotated is displayed on the special children's shelves. All the other children's books are together on the low bookcase above. Bear can access them whenever he likes. He is getting better at putting books back but that is usually still my job. The Montessori sound game We have only just started to play the Montessori sound game. We play as often as I think of it when we're at home and Bear seems receptive. Bear will play 2 or 3 times in a row before loosing interest. The objects have to be very simple and I need to be very precise with my clue. I say "I'm holding something that starts with 'sss' ", Bear says "sss-spoon" (he pronounces it "sss-oon"). Or "I'm pointing to something that starts with 'wuh'", Bear says "wuh-watermelon" (wuh-auta-elon"). Or "there's something on my head that starts with 'huh'", Bear says "huh-hat!". He is starting to get the hang of it. He's starting to look proud when he gets it right! It's helping him articulate better as well. Letters I'm a bit confused about this step. I'm not sure if we should be starting to recognise letters yet. I haven't reached that part of the book yet! I understand that it is important that reading is purposeful and that each step is fun and useful on it's own. i.e. flashcards are not part of the Montessori approach because they are not purposeful in isolation. Thus this kind of rote learning is forgotten easily and so not worth the effort. So I am preceding cautiously and observing him carefully. He is very interested. We have started naming the letters for Bear phonetically with this puzzle. We show him 2 or 3 letters at a time and name them using a 3 period lesson. He loves this puzzle and at times asks for the rest of the letters. It is a real challenge for him but one he is able to achieve on his own with patience. He only knows a few of the letters but he understands that they all have names and asks me to name them from time to time. This post has mostly been about Bear. I haven't forgotten Fox!
Fox is 10 months old now. He love being read to. His favourite books are "Ten little fingers and ten little toes" and "Hello Baby" by Mem Fox. He giggles as soon as I show them to him. He also loves turning the pages of a book by himself. He chooses books with photos of animals. We're building the basement of his reading and writing house at the moment - giving him the joy of being read to, knowledge of the world, a language-rich environment, development of the senses and control of the body. He's started his journey toward reading too! I love routine. Routines really work for me. I am able to be more efficient, more productive and more relaxed when I have a comfortable routine. Routines have worked for my children as well as long as a few conditions are met: Some things need to be flexible. Some things need plenty of time. Sometimes there needs to be options. I have learned not to force the boys into my routine. I've learned to adapt to theirs. We've settled into a pattern that repeats itself day after day. It changes often. This is what our days have been like this summer with Bear at 2.5 years and Fox at 10 months. 5.45 am yoga or walk the dog 6.30 am get breakfast ready 6.40 am the boys wake up and we all have breakfast together (Around this time Ranger gets up and helps with the boys while he get's ready for work. We spend most of this time outside.) 8.00 am Fox goes down for a sleep (One-on-one time with Bear. Usually we spend half the time together and half the time working on our own things. This is the best time to introduce a new Montessori game or material to Bear) 9.30 am Bear and I have lunch* * I know it's early! Bear is most hungry and most open minded about food at the beginning of the day. So we eat our main meal together after working up an appetite in the garden! (Things vary from day to day in this time. We usually go out for a while to do grocery shopping, swimming lessons, bible study or spend time with friends. If we're at home the boys work on something from their shelves.) 12.30 am the boys have lunch then go to bed (I'm usually pretty desperate to recharge by this time! I'm usually starving, thirsty, busting to go to the toilet, fatigued and overstimulated. I have to spend 30 minutes carefully getting myself back in order. For me the most important ingredients to a successful break are a big healthy lunch, a coffee and an episode of Gardening Australia. Sometimes a power-nap! Then I can get on with the things that can't be done with little helpers around.) 2.30 pm** the boys get up and have afternoon tea ** Bear's groclock turns yellow at 2.30pm. He is not allowed out of his room before then. They both usually sleep until 3-3.30pm (Fox often wakes up before Bear which gives me some precious one-on-one time with him. This is the best time to introduce a new Montessori game or material to Fox. This is our most difficult time of the day. This is the time when they demand most of my energy. Things that work include: setting up an art activity for Bear to do while I play with Fox, putting them both in the bath, a trip to the library, reading books or watching a David Attenborough documentary together.) 5.00 pm I cook dinner (Ranger is usually home to play with the boys and it's cool enough to go back outside.) 6.00 pm we all eat dinner as a family then play outside 6.30 pm time to wind down before bed. We read together finishing with the bible. 7.00 pm the boys go to bed Once the boys are in bed I load the washing machine, put away clean laundry, clean the kitchen, do a very quick general tidy-up, have a shower and collapse on the couch to relax with Ranger. Phew. Made it to the end of another day!
We're back! Hello!! It's been a long time since I've posted. Holidays have come to an end. We're settling into a new routine and I'd love to share some things we've been doing at home. We've been working in the garden! Working in the garden with Bear is something I find easy and fun! It is something that comes naturally to me. It takes no effort to prepare and it engages Bear straight away. It is the cure for the anxiety I feel about all the Montessori things I am not doing! Seeing Bear peacefully at work watering strawberries or dead-heading daisies reassures me that we're doing ok. The garden is a place where we can both do meaningful work side by side. We can take our time. We can choose our work. It is a place where Bear can learn unconsciously and I can teach spontaneously. We talk about roots and leaves. We learn the names of plants. We watch things grow and ripen. We use all sorts of tools - rakes, secateurs, shears, shovels, watering cans, wheel barrows... We make compost. We apply mulch. We collect worm tea. We prune. It is a place where Bear can be free and independent. I get the boys outside as soon as they've finished breakfast because it is still so hot during the day. It is not long before the sun forces us to retreat indoors. The earlier we get out the longer we get to play. Fox joins us for a while before he goes down for a sleep. Unlike Bear and myself he does not feel at home in the garden. Although he can crawl very well he doesn't like me to be out of his reach. He likes me to sit with him in the sandpit. Or he stands next to me while I'm weeding with a hand on my shoulder. I'm sure it won't be long before he too is comfortable and confident. I've said it before and I'll say it again - our garden is a mess!! It is a work in progress. It is a long way from what I dream of it being. But I think that's part of the reason why we love it so much. There is so much for us all to do. We get to watch it taking shape. We all get to learn and explore along the way.
"Our goal as we prepare the infant's environment for movement ... has to do with psychological rather than physical reasons and reflects our attitude toward the child. It should reflect the view that this infant is an individual who is going to grow and change and separate; this is not someone who will remain a baby forever." Montessori from the start. p73 Every so often I realise that Fox has raced off developmentally. He's suddenly reached the next stage and I wasn't ready for it. I'm dawdling behind him still trying to figure out the previous stage. I often feel like I'm letting him down. I thought these things would be easier with the second child. Some things are easier. In a lot of ways Fox is an easier baby than Bear was. The trouble is that Fox is so different from Bear. His temperament is so different. His interests are so different. I'm having to work through everything anew. I am needing to reset all my expectations. There are things we are doing well for Fox. He has a collection of interesting objects to explore and practice manipulating. He has low shelves for his things. He can look out low windows. He can see himself in a low mirror. But the environment isn't quiet working for him. We're missing something... At the moment Fox needs a proper Montessori movement area. Bear skipped this stage altogether (he was crawling much earlier) so I didn't realise it's value. "The infant's bed is large and on the floor. A double-bed-size is best and the mattress must be only a few inches high." Montessori from the start. p31. The floor bed makes so much sense to me at the moment! It's soft. The floor is so hard and rough. It's big. In the cot he rolls into the sides. It's safe. One of Fox's favourite things at the moment is to roll around our queen size bed. But I cant give him freedom there because he needs our constant supervision. Otherwise he'll very quickly end up on the floor with a bump on his head! I think a good solution would be to have a thin mattress in the playroom where we spend most of our time. It would be nice if this space met Fox's need for movement better. He is so much more mobile on a soft mattress. He would be able to get to his shelves and the mirror. He'd be able to move himself to join Bear in whatever he's doing. It takes me such a long time to make these decisions! I don't want to buy something new and change everything around. I'm hoping Fox gets up and crawls any day now so I don't need to worry about it any more! It is such a challenge to keep adapting to little children who change so quickly.
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My name is Vicky and I have 3 boys - Bear (10), Fox (8) and Wolf (6). Somehow I stumbled across Montessori and now my goal is to raise and educate my children with a Montessori approach in Dubbo. Archives
April 2024
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