Autumn has arrived! (Officially autumn arrived a couple of weeks ago but now I actually believe it). The sun is setting earlier and the nights are cooler. It hasn't been above 30 degrees for a whole week. It even rained last week! It's such a refreshing change. It's brought energy. I feel motivated to reflect on the year so far. I was nervous about embarking on 2015. There were a lot of challenges to negotiate and it got off to an uneasy start. There has been a lot of change and a fair bit of uncertainty. That said I think we're doing ok. Work is challenging but I'm starting to enjoy it and I'm starting to feel settled. I am exhausted at the end of my 2 and a half days of work. But I am coping - even now right at the end of my pregnancy. Tom's new job has been such an incredible gift from God. It is a lot of work but it really has been a positive change. Last year Tom was at home 2 days per week to care for Bear. This year he has needed to work full time so Bear has been cared for outside our home. The timing has been just right for Bear. God amazingly answered my anxious prayers for a fantastic carer. She is a lovely quiet, gentle lady. She has been caring for little children for 20 years and obviously has a deep love and respect for them. I feel so confident leaving Bear in her care. He comes home tired but you can't wipe the smile off his face. He comes home relaxed and happy. I've been trying to do Montessori with Bear at home. I've learned a lot by trial and error and my understanding and expectations have evolved. My goal has been to help Bear learn concentration, coordination, language and responsibility in this toddler period. On a day to day level I find the more time and effort I manage to invest in preparing his environment the smoother and more enjoyable our days at home become. These are the things I've come to realise:
What does autumn hold for us? Lots of gardening (my favourite thing). The arrival of a newborn son/brother for Bear. Lots of friends and family coming and going. Maternity leave. A trip to Sydney to visit a newborn nephew/cousin. Lots more change and many more challenges to come. But lots to look forward to!
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"When we speak of a free child we speak of a child free to follow the powerful guides of nature within him. These guides are extremely wise, and lead the child to seek exactness, precision, and the full achievement of what he undertakes. The child is lead by nature to go into all the details. This is what we want for success in education." It's been so interesting watching Bear work on this activity over several months. It's been on and off the shelves every other week and hasn't ever had a lot of attention. I'd put it out for a week, it would be ignored, I'd put it away for a couple of weeks before bringing it out again. If I showed it to Bear he'd play with the animals for a little while or handle the cards but soon move off to do something else. I'd demonstrate how to match the animals by standing them on their card. He'd have a go but would stand an animal on any card randomly... then knock them all over! Today he just got it! He's been matching them on purpose and for fun. I can't believe how long he spent crawling all over the floor to try this one here and that one there. He didn't get them all right every time which didn't seem to bother or frustrate him but he did notice that they weren't quite right. It was a real pleasure to watch as if a little light bulb had been switched on for him. It was also interesting to see him take a break from matching at one point to line all the animals up head to tail. Then he went straight back to the matching game. Having such a lovely time exploring, experimenting, practicing. Its so exciting to watch him learn so happily and unconsciously. It makes the effort of rotating his materials and coming up with new challenges for him completely worthwhile. I wonder what his next big discovery will be.
I've been thinking hard about how to prepare Bear for the arrival of a baby. I'm not sure how much he can understand at 20 months about what's going to happen. I suspect not very much. That said we want to give him the benefit of the doubt and talk to him as if he can understand. My main objective is to teach Bear what a newborn baby is like and what it does. A book? I've had a hunt around for a good board book that introduces babies to very young toddlers. I couldn't find anything I was happy with. I wanted to find something that had realistic pictures of newborns in board book format so that Bear could independently explore it without doing it damage. I liked this one the best - the content seemed relevant and age appropriate but the pictures weren't realistic - I might get it for him later, once he's met the baby. In the mean time I've made some cards for him instead. I found this book at an op shop and had to buy it (I remembered it satisfying my adolescent curiosity when I first found it on my mum's book shelf back in the day). It has beautiful photos of newborns doing newborn things. I photocopied them onto photo paper, cut them out and laminated them onto some cardboard. They came out nice and robust. We use them to talk about what babies are like and what they do i.e. sleep, nappy changes, baths, cuddles, cry... The cards live in a basket in Bear's baby drawer (the only drawer in the playroom that isn't Bear-proof) with his baby doll, a blanket, a bib, a washcloth and a soft rattle. A baby doll I was so inspired by this post to put out a baby doll for Bear. Why not teach boys to care for baby dolls? How important are tender, gentle, confident fathers! We look at the baby's face and body and point out his eyes, nose, ears, fingers and toes. We take his clothes off and put them back on. We cover him with a blanket. We take turns cuddling him. Bear doesn't choose to get the baby out on his own. I guess he's still just not that interested. He's much more interested in pushing his truck, building train tracks and throwing balls. Every now and then I suggest to him that we explore in his baby drawer and he enjoys playing with the baby together.
Toilet learning has been such foreign territory as a first time mum. There is such an overwhelming supply of advice and "information" out there and of course all of it is conflicting. I was so relieved that Montessori provided a comprehensive approach to this area of child development as with all other areas. What a relief to find common sense, gentle, thorough guidance. I love the Montessori concept of "toilet learning" vs "toilet training". "Toilet learning" implies a gentle and gradual process that is intrinsic to the child. It is something that he will master when he's ready if he is given the right support at the right time. It's not about success or failure (for the child or his "coach"). I've used a lot of practical information form how we montessori and Racheous has collected some fantastic links on toilet learning which I have read thoroughly. Our toilet learning journey started with cloth nappies from birth. I started using Gerber undies inconsistently from 12 months. Then from 18 months I have became much more consistent with a prepared environment and consistent routine. This is what we've been doing since then: Potty stations I have two identical potty stations located in places Bear is likely to be without pants on. The first on the way out of his bedroom. Here he changes out of his nappy and into undies first thing in the morning and after naps. The second is in the bathroom opposite the toilet. I bring him here to clean up a poo. He likes to see his poo tipped into the toilet and waves goodbye when it's flushed. I also suggest he sits on the potty before and after baths or if he comes with me when I go to the toilet. I use the word "suggest" very deliberately. I learned very quickly that there is NO point forcing, bribing or even encouraging Bear to sit on the potty. He will tolerate is a very brief reminder that the potty's there. Sometimes he does like to practice getting on and off but it has to be on his terms and so far he's not very interested. Undies We use Gerber baby training pants because they're cheap. Even when they're shipped from the US to Australia they're no more than $7 per pair. Advantages - cheap, good fit, good colour options, 100% cotton, no waterproofing. Disadvantages - poor absorbency, tend to fall down after a bit of wear. At the moment we have 12 pairs and we use them whenever we're at home. 12 pairs isn't quite enough because they need to be changed so frequently. I have ordered another 12 which will be plenty and allow me to use Bear's nappies for the new baby. I slip a soaker from our Pop In nappies inside the undies which gives them the perfect absorbency. We've never had an overflow with the soaker in place but the nappy still looks and feels very wet. When I can see that Bear has done a wee I tell him "you've done a wee in your undies - look your undies are wet". I encourage him to look at his wet undies and feel them with his hand. Then I change him quickly without fuss where ever he happens to be at the time and point out "now your undies are dry". I don't think he is able to anticipate a wee or a poo yet. But over the last few weeks he has become reliable at letting me know when he's wet or dirty and cooperates much better with changes. This is exciting progress! Cleaning up
Of course being prepared for accidents is important. We have a ready supply of cloths and carpet cleaner. Bear loves this task and helps diligently whenever there is need. I was amazed how carefully he watched what I was doing the first time and how exactly he has imitated the work ever since. A fantastic Montessori moment! I was inspired by this post to get the bathroom working better for Bear. There are still some things I'd like to change but this is what we're up to so far. Bear's vanity There is a little shelf at the end of the bathtub which is a perfect height for Bear. He has a little basket here for his cup, toothbrush, hair brush, comb and nail clippers. I added a couple of mirrors at his height so he can see what he's doing. In the mornings we do our teeth and hair together. I fill his cup with water and put toothpaste on his brush. I leave them on his shelf for him. He brushes his teeth first (chews on the brush and eats the toothpaste) while he's watching me brush mine. Then I brush his teeth properly for him (sometimes against strong protests). When he's done he tips his water in the bathtub and puts his cup and toothbrush back in his basket. He loves watching himself brush his hair in the mirror. The bath We're still using the baby bath for Bear to save precious water. I'm so looking forward to bathing 2 boys together so that I can justify filling up the big bath! There's a shelf along the edge of the bath that he can reach while sitting down. I put his bath toys along here. The mirror sits here as well so he can see himself while he's in the bath. Lately it's a struggle getting Bear in the bath. Sometimes he point blank refuses. Or when he's had enough he's out of there like a shot - like bathing a cat! I rotate his bath toys in an attempt to lure him in and keep things interesting. The mirror has helped as well. At the moment if anything will hold his attention in the bath it's washing himself. He has two little bottles - one of body wash and one of shampoo. He loves opening and closing the lids, standing them up on their shelf and squeezing a drop at a time onto his arms and hands. He likes the game of washing body parts as I name them - "can you wash your tummy?" "Can you wash your toes?". His towel hangs on a low hook next to the bath... Alas he's even less interested in getting dry than he is in getting wet in the first place! In the cupboard are supplies of clean nappies and undies that Bear can help himself to. The potty One of Bear's potty stations is in the bathroom opposite the toilet. He can see himself in the mirror from the potty as well. There is a stool at the toilet so he can reach the flush and look in the bowl. Note the elastic band around the toilet roll - essential for my sanity. I bring Bear in here to clean up when he's done a poo. I suggest he sits on the potty whenever he's in here with his pants off. Sometimes he does. It's early days for toilet learning for Bear - I'll write a more descriptive post about toilet learning next. Things that need work...
The main thing that's missing for now is somewhere for Bear to wash his hands. I haven't worked out where and how to do that yet. So far I've been putting a bucket on the floor and putting it away afterwards. It's not idea. I would also love for Bear to be able to get himself into and out of the bath safely. I think if he had more control over whether he was in or out he might be more willing to participate. June and Grug became part of our family in October 2012. We were on our way home after celebrating our 2nd wedding anniversary at Janolan Caves. We finally decided after long discussions in the car to buy some guinea-pigs. We found June in a pet shop in Bathurst and Grug in Orange. It wasn't long after we got home that I found out I was pregnant with Bear! I'm glad we made that impulsive decision. Guinea-pigs have always been my favourite pets. Bear loves them and they provide all sorts of Montessori opportunities.
The guinea-pigs live in a corner of the "school room" at the moment. I put out the bowl of cut up fruit or veg and some pellets so that Bear can feed them every morning. In time I think he'll love chopping up their treats himself. Twice per week we clean out the cage together. Bear helps collect the straw, fill up the cage and sweep up the mess. Once a week we clean their food dish and water bottle (a great excuse to get wet when it's 35 degrees!) We enjoy their company anytime!
I feel like we've settled into a new routine. Finally each week looks the same. I get to enjoy Bear's company 4 and a half days per week. We get to spend 1 and a half days per week together as a family. Only 2 and a half days of work. I used to be a routines and schedules person. Bear doesn't work like that! There's no doubt that he loves things to be predictable and ordered. But he also needs to take his time. So our "routine" has morphed into a "rhythm" that flows along through the day when we're at home together. It looks a little something like this: 6am I wake and get started in blissful quiet. I take the dog for a walk and get as many chores done as I can before Bear wakes up. (Thanks to the Gro-clock I usually get a whole hour to myself in the morning). 7am Bear gets up and has breakfast We brush our teeth and hair together and Bear gets dressed We head outside - we go for a nature walk, feed the chickens, or just play in the yard 9.30am Morning tea then inside time While Bear's busy working on something I do some work nearby. (Things like sweeping, dusting, folding, tidying. Things that Bear can join in if he's interested. Things I can put straight down if he needs a hand. Things that won't prevent me from observing him or distract him from some other work). New in the "schoolroom" this week: food for the guinea-pigs and water for the pot plant. 12pm Lunch then a sleep 2.30pm Afternoon tea Outing or more directed activity - we tried peeling banana pieces and chopping playdough this week. 5pm Daddy gets home! Some time with Dad while I get dinner ready - usually playing outside, a shower or wrestling! 6pm
Family dinner "Sitting Still" practice Playing games together, usually outside Teeth, nappy, PJs, then we all take the dog for a walk with Bear in the babybjorn 7pm Bedtime Bear started walking at 11 months and has become more stable and agile since then. He didn't naturally embrace the independence this mobility offered him in the way I expected him to. I think being quite cautious and anxious he was intimidated by the suddenly larger world he had access to. He was happy to be carried around and still is. This really didn't bother me until recently. He's petit so he's no trouble to carry. I love his cuddles and he's extra sweet and clingy when he wants to be held. I'd made a few half-hearted attempts to encourage him to walk for himself but it never stuck. The tantrums put me off and it's so much easier to keep him safe when he's in my arms. It's also much quicker to get where we need to go and to get things done! As with the floor-bed the time has come! (Poor Bear - he's fallen victim to his mother's whims! I've been re-reading Montessori from the start over our holidays and the time off has really renewed my convictions and resolve. That together with new energy from well management blood sugar levels and some serious nesting instincts with the pregnancy... Bear's being swept along a wild ride!) Bear is a very good walker. He's stable and has good stamina. His language is good enough that he can understand instructions like "stay on the path" and "hold my hand". I'm getting pregnant enough that carrying him is getting uncomfortable. I was also (as with moving out of the cot) anxious to make this adjustment well before the baby arrives. Teaching Bear that he needed to walk for himself was one of the hardest things we've done as parents! It definitely took planning and a determined, coordinated approach. I wonder if it would have been different if we did start as soon as he started walking? The first day was the hardest. Bear had big, frequent, intense tantrums. Everything seemed to take so long. I felt like the worst person in the world if anyone walked past. He still looks so little and he sure can look pitiful. This quote kept coming to mind: "This independence in the child is not to help make life easier for the adult. In fact at least initially helping children to establish independence requires a great deal of effort and thought on the adult's part. Montessori encourages us to go to this trouble for children so that they will experience the confidence that comes from not having to wait for someone else to do what is needed. It is not to help adults then that we help children to become independent in daily acts; it is to help children." Thankfully he adjusted really quickly and he absolutely just accepts that he walks for himself now. I think it was as soon as the third day that the tantrums stopped. It felt like a lifetime at the time. He has accepted that when I tell him to hold my hand he must hold my hand. So I can still keep him safe. He's learned the rules like staying away from the road and waiting for me at the top of stairs. I'm amazed at what his little legs are capable of. I love the way he walks confidently into new places holding my hand. He is able to walk from the library to the car carrying a book he's chosen for himself. I love that he has this independence now. It has changed the way he thinks about himself - he is a capable person who can do things for himself. It was worth the trouble. If I had discovered Montessori before Bear was born I'm sure I would have started him on a floor-bed. I like the rationale behind it. "We have mentioned the child-bed on the floor which gives the baby more to see , verses the crib high in the air with a limited view. From the lower position of the child-bed, the child builds a visual map of her room before she begins to move about in it and take in even more. It takes time for the child to build this visual map. Repeated experiences are necessary for the visual cortex to lay down impressions in her brain. These experiences allow the child to add the necessary visual information to her internal map for movement in her room. They build a framework for her understanding of how distance is experienced between points in her map and the relationship of those points to speed and time through movement. Thus from the beginning, they build a sensorial foundation for physics. A child-bed prepares the baby to move about in her room just at the time that her brain is ready for more information to be absorbed through her senses. Thus she can provide for her own needs and continue her own learning. She is happy because her opportunities for learning match her abilities." However as things turned out we taught Bear to sleep in a cot and that's where he's slept from 3-months-old - until now. He sleeps like a champ and his gross motor skills haven't suffered so I have no regrets. However the cot has been posing a few problems recently and it's time to move on.
So now's the time. We decided to make the change on the first night back home after holidays. Bear and I took apart his cot and packed it away (no turning back now). I toddler-proofed the room thoroughly. Emptied all the drawers and cupboards. We made sure he was well and truly tired at bed-time. Then followed his normal bed-time routine without any fuss. Amazingly he fell asleep on his floor bed after less than 20 minutes of complaining on night one. It's been a week now and no floor-bed related disasters!! Amazing!! My favourite thing about the floor bed so far was when I went in to check on him during the night and found 2 soft toys in bed with him. He had been able to get them out of the cupboard himself and put himself back to bed without a peep.
Dubbo is a long way from our family in Sydney so we often find ourselves in the car with Bear for many hours at a time. We have just returned from our second holiday to the South Coast with Bear. We made the same journey this time last year and had such a fantastic time we've braved the drive again. That's a 570km drive (7 hours) according to Google maps. It took us longer than that - but who's counting? I thought that I would share some of Bear's favourite things to do in the car at 18 months.
*Anything is much more exciting when presented in a mystery bag! Other games we play together are: - truck spotting - peek-a-boo - legs in, legs out, legs up, legs down Meals and snacks are a great way to pass time. I save the sweet treats until the last 2-3 hours. Other ways that we maintain our sanity include:
- We hit the road first thing in the morning - We make play stops every 2-3 hours - the grown ups eat while the Bear stretches his legs - We enforce quiet time when Bear gets cranky (Bear doesn't sleep in the car!!) - I sit in the back and have fun with him for the last hour to leave a pleasant memory for next time :) |
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My name is Vicky and I have 3 boys - Bear (10), Fox (8) and Wolf (6). Somehow I stumbled across Montessori and now my goal is to raise and educate my children with a Montessori approach in Dubbo. Archives
April 2024
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