The last time I wrote about toilet learning was a while ago. This process has been very gradual. Bear has inched along at snail's pace. It doesn't feel like we're moving until we look back to where we've come from. At the moment Bear is able to keep his undies dry except in exceptional circumstances. He usually needs help getting undies off and on. I think this is more of a confidence issue than a competence issue. There are times when I am not able to help him for some reason and he manages without me. I have not been able to coax him to practice despite my best efforts - I think I need to get better at stalling! Bear is still usually using a potty but he is starting to choose the toilet with a toddler seat at times. He will usually cooperate when I ask him to do a wee before getting into the car and he is incredibly reliable when we're out. This is a summary of Bear's toilet learning milestones to date:
Toilet learning is a complicated process! There are still more milestones yet to be reached:
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I was planning to wait until the weather cooled down before doing hard physical work in the garden. It turned out I was too excited to wait! Although it is technically autumn the temperature has stubbornly risen to 35 degrees everyday for over 3 weeks now. It is stifling. I am impatient for a cool change. Every morning I open up weatherzone hoping for a prophesy of rain or a day below 30 degrees. Nothing. Just hot blue skies ahead. However the delivery of an enormous load of mulch has given us all renewed energy! It is helping us imagine the cooler months to come and to dream of planting and watching things grow. Despite the heat working outside with my favourite people is refreshing. It is my favourite thing to do at the end of a frustrating day. It is amazing the way physical exhaustion seems to cure emotional exhaustion. Bear loves being a part of his family's work. . He has had a lot of practice with his wheelbarrow and his shovel. He's an enthusiastic and effective worker. He is tireless! He chatters the whole time about: "All working sooo much hard!!", "pushing heavy wheelbarrow - need two hands!!", "lifting big scoop!!". We work in the mornings too. There is plenty for us to do. We're starting by filling all the holes, lining paths, covering up the dust and smothering the weeds. We have not managed to keep the grass alive. We're working on some more climate compatible alternatives! Fox is able to join us now that there is somewhere soft and clean for him to play. One of my goals for the yard has been to have an area for a baby to crawl safely and comfortably. I want the youngest member of our family to feel at home. I want Fox to feel that the yard belongs to him as well.
"The foundations for literacy are love and encouragement. The basement is constructed from the joy of being read to, knowledge of the world, a language-rich environment, development of the senses and control of the body. The ground floor rooms are made from an awareness of the sounds in language. The upper floor is created from the ability to attach symbols to sounds and the attic is made from the skill of using those symbols to express your own thoughts. The roof is reading and writing. In such a house a child's mind can reside for a rewarding lifetime and no hurricane can blow it down." Montessori Read & Write. Lynne Lawrence. I would like to help Bear learn to read just as soon as he is able. I am excited about the world that reading can open up for him. I believe - as Montessori describes - that he will be able to learn this skill effortlessly and joyfully at this age - two and a half. However I am realising more and more that Montessori doesn't mean that he will learn automatically. He needs to be given the right environment and the right materials at the right time to allow the magic to happen. That means I need to train myself, and do it quickly! What an enormous and intimidating task. I am learning a tremendous amount from the book "Montessori Read & Write" by Lynne Lawrence. It is written for parents to be used at home. So far I'm up to page 65... I have begun with some self-reflection If I want Bear to love reading it will help if I show him that I love reading too. Do I love reading? I have never been a reader. Reading for pleasure has not been something I have ever made time for. I study from text books. I read the bible. I read books to learn about Montessori, gardening, etc. I don't think that really counts! So I've started picking up a book instead of watching TV when I'm having a break. We've started reading a lot everyday Bear and I were reading sporadically. I've made a time for reading part of our routine now. We read for at least half an hour before getting ready for bed. I choose some books and Bear chooses some books. Sometimes Bear wants us to sit separately. More and more he is choosing to sit next to me and to let me read to him. He is showing interest in a growing range of books and paying attention for longer. Fox crawls around on the floor and looks at his little board books or Ranger takes him away to play somewhere else. We read together at other times if we feel like it and Bear will often choose to read on his own. * I don't read books with Bear in bed for a couple of reasons. He is too tired to concentrate once he's in bed. I'm not as comfortable on his bed as I am sitting on the couch. Finally the "just one more, mum" discussion is too much for me at the end of the day - I do what I can to avoid it! We're investing in a children's library I have found many wonderful books second hand at op shops and online. They are always worth a look. Special books I buy new online. We also visit the library often and bring a selection home. Montessori Read & Write has lots of great advice about choosing books for children of different ages. The things that I'm looking for at the moment for Bear (2.5 years): - beautiful and interesting illustrations - short stories with a simple plot - a small amount of text per page - rhymes, poems and songs - content that is real - especially based around the world he has experienced Bear's favourite books along with a selection that is frequently rotated is displayed on the special children's shelves. All the other children's books are together on the low bookcase above. Bear can access them whenever he likes. He is getting better at putting books back but that is usually still my job. The Montessori sound game We have only just started to play the Montessori sound game. We play as often as I think of it when we're at home and Bear seems receptive. Bear will play 2 or 3 times in a row before loosing interest. The objects have to be very simple and I need to be very precise with my clue. I say "I'm holding something that starts with 'sss' ", Bear says "sss-spoon" (he pronounces it "sss-oon"). Or "I'm pointing to something that starts with 'wuh'", Bear says "wuh-watermelon" (wuh-auta-elon"). Or "there's something on my head that starts with 'huh'", Bear says "huh-hat!". He is starting to get the hang of it. He's starting to look proud when he gets it right! It's helping him articulate better as well. Letters I'm a bit confused about this step. I'm not sure if we should be starting to recognise letters yet. I haven't reached that part of the book yet! I understand that it is important that reading is purposeful and that each step is fun and useful on it's own. i.e. flashcards are not part of the Montessori approach because they are not purposeful in isolation. Thus this kind of rote learning is forgotten easily and so not worth the effort. So I am preceding cautiously and observing him carefully. He is very interested. We have started naming the letters for Bear phonetically with this puzzle. We show him 2 or 3 letters at a time and name them using a 3 period lesson. He loves this puzzle and at times asks for the rest of the letters. It is a real challenge for him but one he is able to achieve on his own with patience. He only knows a few of the letters but he understands that they all have names and asks me to name them from time to time. This post has mostly been about Bear. I haven't forgotten Fox!
Fox is 10 months old now. He love being read to. His favourite books are "Ten little fingers and ten little toes" and "Hello Baby" by Mem Fox. He giggles as soon as I show them to him. He also loves turning the pages of a book by himself. He chooses books with photos of animals. We're building the basement of his reading and writing house at the moment - giving him the joy of being read to, knowledge of the world, a language-rich environment, development of the senses and control of the body. He's started his journey toward reading too! I love routine. Routines really work for me. I am able to be more efficient, more productive and more relaxed when I have a comfortable routine. Routines have worked for my children as well as long as a few conditions are met: Some things need to be flexible. Some things need plenty of time. Sometimes there needs to be options. I have learned not to force the boys into my routine. I've learned to adapt to theirs. We've settled into a pattern that repeats itself day after day. It changes often. This is what our days have been like this summer with Bear at 2.5 years and Fox at 10 months. 5.45 am yoga or walk the dog 6.30 am get breakfast ready 6.40 am the boys wake up and we all have breakfast together (Around this time Ranger gets up and helps with the boys while he get's ready for work. We spend most of this time outside.) 8.00 am Fox goes down for a sleep (One-on-one time with Bear. Usually we spend half the time together and half the time working on our own things. This is the best time to introduce a new Montessori game or material to Bear) 9.30 am Bear and I have lunch* * I know it's early! Bear is most hungry and most open minded about food at the beginning of the day. So we eat our main meal together after working up an appetite in the garden! (Things vary from day to day in this time. We usually go out for a while to do grocery shopping, swimming lessons, bible study or spend time with friends. If we're at home the boys work on something from their shelves.) 12.30 am the boys have lunch then go to bed (I'm usually pretty desperate to recharge by this time! I'm usually starving, thirsty, busting to go to the toilet, fatigued and overstimulated. I have to spend 30 minutes carefully getting myself back in order. For me the most important ingredients to a successful break are a big healthy lunch, a coffee and an episode of Gardening Australia. Sometimes a power-nap! Then I can get on with the things that can't be done with little helpers around.) 2.30 pm** the boys get up and have afternoon tea ** Bear's groclock turns yellow at 2.30pm. He is not allowed out of his room before then. They both usually sleep until 3-3.30pm (Fox often wakes up before Bear which gives me some precious one-on-one time with him. This is the best time to introduce a new Montessori game or material to Fox. This is our most difficult time of the day. This is the time when they demand most of my energy. Things that work include: setting up an art activity for Bear to do while I play with Fox, putting them both in the bath, a trip to the library, reading books or watching a David Attenborough documentary together.) 5.00 pm I cook dinner (Ranger is usually home to play with the boys and it's cool enough to go back outside.) 6.00 pm we all eat dinner as a family then play outside 6.30 pm time to wind down before bed. We read together finishing with the bible. 7.00 pm the boys go to bed Once the boys are in bed I load the washing machine, put away clean laundry, clean the kitchen, do a very quick general tidy-up, have a shower and collapse on the couch to relax with Ranger. Phew. Made it to the end of another day!
We're back! Hello!! It's been a long time since I've posted. Holidays have come to an end. We're settling into a new routine and I'd love to share some things we've been doing at home. We've been working in the garden! Working in the garden with Bear is something I find easy and fun! It is something that comes naturally to me. It takes no effort to prepare and it engages Bear straight away. It is the cure for the anxiety I feel about all the Montessori things I am not doing! Seeing Bear peacefully at work watering strawberries or dead-heading daisies reassures me that we're doing ok. The garden is a place where we can both do meaningful work side by side. We can take our time. We can choose our work. It is a place where Bear can learn unconsciously and I can teach spontaneously. We talk about roots and leaves. We learn the names of plants. We watch things grow and ripen. We use all sorts of tools - rakes, secateurs, shears, shovels, watering cans, wheel barrows... We make compost. We apply mulch. We collect worm tea. We prune. It is a place where Bear can be free and independent. I get the boys outside as soon as they've finished breakfast because it is still so hot during the day. It is not long before the sun forces us to retreat indoors. The earlier we get out the longer we get to play. Fox joins us for a while before he goes down for a sleep. Unlike Bear and myself he does not feel at home in the garden. Although he can crawl very well he doesn't like me to be out of his reach. He likes me to sit with him in the sandpit. Or he stands next to me while I'm weeding with a hand on my shoulder. I'm sure it won't be long before he too is comfortable and confident. I've said it before and I'll say it again - our garden is a mess!! It is a work in progress. It is a long way from what I dream of it being. But I think that's part of the reason why we love it so much. There is so much for us all to do. We get to watch it taking shape. We all get to learn and explore along the way.
"Our goal as we prepare the infant's environment for movement ... has to do with psychological rather than physical reasons and reflects our attitude toward the child. It should reflect the view that this infant is an individual who is going to grow and change and separate; this is not someone who will remain a baby forever." Montessori from the start. p73 Every so often I realise that Fox has raced off developmentally. He's suddenly reached the next stage and I wasn't ready for it. I'm dawdling behind him still trying to figure out the previous stage. I often feel like I'm letting him down. I thought these things would be easier with the second child. Some things are easier. In a lot of ways Fox is an easier baby than Bear was. The trouble is that Fox is so different from Bear. His temperament is so different. His interests are so different. I'm having to work through everything anew. I am needing to reset all my expectations. There are things we are doing well for Fox. He has a collection of interesting objects to explore and practice manipulating. He has low shelves for his things. He can look out low windows. He can see himself in a low mirror. But the environment isn't quiet working for him. We're missing something... At the moment Fox needs a proper Montessori movement area. Bear skipped this stage altogether (he was crawling much earlier) so I didn't realise it's value. "The infant's bed is large and on the floor. A double-bed-size is best and the mattress must be only a few inches high." Montessori from the start. p31. The floor bed makes so much sense to me at the moment! It's soft. The floor is so hard and rough. It's big. In the cot he rolls into the sides. It's safe. One of Fox's favourite things at the moment is to roll around our queen size bed. But I cant give him freedom there because he needs our constant supervision. Otherwise he'll very quickly end up on the floor with a bump on his head! I think a good solution would be to have a thin mattress in the playroom where we spend most of our time. It would be nice if this space met Fox's need for movement better. He is so much more mobile on a soft mattress. He would be able to get to his shelves and the mirror. He'd be able to move himself to join Bear in whatever he's doing. It takes me such a long time to make these decisions! I don't want to buy something new and change everything around. I'm hoping Fox gets up and crawls any day now so I don't need to worry about it any more! It is such a challenge to keep adapting to little children who change so quickly.
Ranger put the tree up with Bear and taught him to sing "Happy Birthday Jesus". And it struck me how simple yet how deep is the nativity story. We celebrate the same story every year but it seems to twist itself somehow to show me something different. This year Ranger wrote a beautiful devotion for Christmas. He shared it with me and I thought it was so powerful and eloquent I'd love to share it here. This is why Christmas is significant for me: "'Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one's life for one's friends' John 15:13. This reading corner has been a long time coming. I had the idea of turning this unused doorway into a book shelf before Fox was born. Little by little I've been chipping away at this project. Now it is finally finished (well mostly finished...). At least it is ready to use! I have experimented with various ways to store and display books that haven't worked out. I tried a basket on the floor. A basket on the coffee table. A basket on Bear's shelves. A regular book shelf with spines facing out. A regular bookshelf with books standing up. Books in a box. We were having problems with each of these. My biggest problem was mess - the books wouldn't stay where they were supposed to be! So I brainstormed goals for book storage/display: - beautiful to look at - easy for Bear to choose a book - easy for Bear to take out one book at a time without disturbing the other books - easy for Bear to put books away by himself - flexible in terms of the number of books it can accomodate - separate from toys - in an area that is peaceful and comfortable - a special area that acknowledges how special and precious books are I think this ticks all the boxes. The 3 lower book shelves are only 10cm deep so books stand up easily on their own but they will be able to accomodate several layers of books in future. There's a 3cm lip that stops the books slipping off. The shelves are removable but very sturdy. They have a catch that will stop Fox pulling them off when he inevitably starts to pull up on them. We don't have room for child sized furniture in this area. We're a bit tight on space as it is. Bear gets himself onto the couch easily and we can both read together comfortably. We used to have a footstool for Bear to climb up. We'll bring it back out when Fox is ready for it. Rotating the books keeps bringing Bear back to the couch. He's asking to read books that were being ignored before. I love when he asks me to read with him. It such a great invitation for a cuddle and a chat! Fox is appreciating the low shelf too - it might just be the thing that inspires him to crawl!
I have revisited toy rotation and I've been brutal. Somehow toys have been walking out of cupboards of their own accord. I don't know how it happens. At the end of every week we seem to have toys everywhere. Most of them are being ignored. There is nothing interesting left to get out of the cupboard. I drive myself crazy constantly tidying up. Actually I know exactly how it happens. I have too many toys on the shelves. I'm not rotating them often enough. Partly because there aren't enough toys left in the cupboard to rotate out! Bear knows where the toys are kept and helps himself to more. Or he asks me to get something for him. I give it to him but don't put an unused toy away. I put a toy on a shelf because the shelf looks bare. I am tempted to think more toys will keep him more engaged. Solution? Less is more!
I have also simplified the way Bear's toys are presented. An example is the way Bear's trains were presented. Bear's train set was all thrown in together in a big basket. Bear wasn't choosing his trains even though they were still clearly his favourite. I think it was to hard for him to find what he needed so he didn't bother. He still loved to play with them but only when I brought out the basket and helped him build a track. I've put the tracks in one basket that's big enough to rummage through without spilling on the floor. I've put aside a few pieces that are frustrating or duplicates. Trains are in another basket. Trees are in another. Cars are in another. So simple. So obvious now that I've done it. It has turned one set of toys into 4 sets of toys. Bear is choosing them everyday again. He plays with them without any help. Sometimes he plays with them all together. Sometimes one basket at a time. They also double as ready made baby baskets for Fox. Bear doesn't spend much time using the things on his shelves. He really doesn't need much on them. Most of our time at home is spent working together - cooking, cleaning or gardening. Then there are books to read, food to eat, baths to have...
Having fewer things around makes the few things seem more special and make it easier for him to choose something interesting and focus on it. It definitely makes packing up less of a chore and something Bear can participate in. It's been about a month since we took Bear's nappy off.
He is 100% reliable at using the potty at home when he doesn't have any pants on. As soon as we put anything on him he has accidents. He wets undies, shorts, trackies, nappy, whatever it is we've put him in. He doesn't even tell me he's wet. He just carries on playing. Wet pants don't bother him. He is not motivated by independence in this area at the moment. He is motivated by blue berries, raspberries and stickers. Since bringing back the offer of payment for wees on the potty Bear is making progress again. He has decided he is capable of taking his shorts off and putting them on independently (something he has flatly refused to attempt until now - "Naaaaaoooooo!! Mummy do it!!"). Now, of course, he won't let me help him at all. **exasperated sigh**. But progress is progress! Seeing his shorts on backwards instead of his bare bottom is an improvement! At the moment I am offering him a reward for a wee every hour or so. He's doing ok. I have found the practical advice in Montessori from the Start helpful and thorough. However Bear wasn't prepared to cooperate in the process until much later than was suggested. They emphasise that starting in the sensitive period sometime between 12 and 18 months is crucial. At that age we didn't seem to be making any progress at all. Maybe I missed his sensitive period. Maybe Bear's sensitive period came later. Maybe the sensitive period is not as brief or as important as they suggest. I also found Robin Barker's Potty training section in The Mighty Toddler invaluable. It is written by an Australian child health nurse with many years of practical experience. She describes the historical changes in potty training methods and expectations similarly to Montessori from the Start but from an Australian perspective. She goes on to discus the different approaches to toilet training and their advantages and disadvantages. I love her common sense approach and open mindedness. She combines current research with her clearly expansive experience with children and families. It is definitely worth a read if you've been confused by all the conflicting advice that's out there. Once Bear's confident getting his pants on and off I suppose the next step will be leaving the house without a nappy on. *gulp*. No set of potty training instructions I've found seems to be fitting him exactly. And all the parents I've talked to seem to have used very different methods with their children. I am definitely finding that we're stumbling around in the dark in this process. I guess we just continue walking with him one step at a time and try to enjoy his uniqueness along the way. |
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My name is Vicky I am wife to Ranger and mum to two boys - Bear (2) and Fox (8 months). Somehow I stumbled across Montessori and now my goal is to raise and educate my children with a Montessori philosophy in country NSW Australia. Archives
November 2016
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